A Colorless World
by nacos
Summary: AU - Lovino lived his life as a horrible person, and is forced to stay in limbo to atone for what he has done wrong. Antonio is a man with color who absolutely enthralls Lovino . Spain/Romano. Yaoi. Ghost story. Angst. Blood. Suicide. HAPPY ENDING!


_**Hello, it's Delaine~ I've finally finished a fanfiction worthy of putting on anywhere. It's SPAMANO THIS TIME! YEAHHHH!**_

_**Rated T - For language and bloood**_

_**Characters - Romano, Spain, and Hungary**_

_**Pairing - Spain/Romano**_

**_Human names used~_**

_**Warning: Spain pulling a Bella Swan! Kinda OOC...don't hurt me. Depressing... Made up higher deity (to avoid controversy~)**_

* * *

><p>"<em>Because of your rotten actions,"<em>

I ran in the midst of mute colors, tears streaming down my cheeks as I tried to get away.

"_You are going to be put where you belong,"_

I need life. If I had known that something so small in my values ended up being so big, I wouldn't have taken the world for granted.

"_In a colorless world."_

I'd rather be blind then see this empty world with no blues, greens, or yellows.

* * *

><p>I buried my face into my knees, curling up on the pale wooden bench and squeezing my eyes shut to block out the dull looking world. I could hear oblivious footsteps and words around me as people walked by.<p>

Broken, I shed more tears onto my dark colored lap as I remembered when the world had color. It wasn't enough for me. I needed to see it. I needed to see the dark shade that rose onto people's cheeks whenever they talked to their crush, or the light color of the sky.

Was I…this bad when I was alive? Did I do this badly to deserve this punishment? Why something as insignificant as color? Why does it torture me like this?

I couldn't stop the sob coming out of my mouth. It didn't matter. It isn't like anyone would be able to hear it. I wiped the tears from my cheeks as I looked back up. I can never stop the feeling of hope that rises in my chest every time I look up. The hope that get's crushed. As I put my head back down, I heard something peculiar. Not only was it a sound, but it felt as if it were used to grab my attention.

"Are you okay?"

My eyes immediately were drawn to the source of the noise.

Brown, green, red, blue.

Those colors came at me at full blast. They glowed with pretty light, illuminating the dark grays.

"You're beautiful."

The source of the sound looked shocked. "Oh, um thanks. You are too!" The man with chocolate brown hair, basil green eyes, a red t-shirt, and denim blue jeans glanced around at the people who were looking at him like he was talking to himself. He shrugged and turned back to look at me.

His colors put me in a trance. I reached out to touch them, but drew back quickly.

If I do that, he'll find out I'm dead. I'll lose the color because I scared him away. He tilted his head in question and reached out to touch my arm.

In fear, I backed away from his touch and fell off of the bench. "Are you okay?" he asks again and kneels down beside me. I nod, not being able to find my words. "Why are you sitting out here in the rain?"

I notice that the man next to me has a thick Spanish accent, but I could still hear him clearly, as though he were speaking in English. Not wanting to leave this man's color, I said the first lie that came into my head. "I have nowhere to go." It wasn't a complete lie.

He smiled, his grin a bright white. "My name is Antonio Fernandez Carriedo. Yours?"

I was so captivated by how he could even make white beautiful that I almost didn't notice his question. "Lovino. Lovino Vargas." His smile grew.

"Italian, right?"

I nodded in the positive and he stood, offering a hand to me. As much as I wanted to touch the color, I rejected the hand and stood up. He put the umbrella in his hand over my head. "Would you like to stay at my apartment? I can feed one more."

Instantly I said, "I'll live with you." And eagerly began walking with him. I'm sure I was weirding him out, but I couldn't keep my eyes from becoming glued to his shirt, hair, and eyes. As mesmerized as I was by his hue against the black and white background, I never noticed that we had gotten to the front of his door and he was currently putting the key into the lock. "Here we are!"

When he opened it, I half expected for his house to be in vibrant colors, but sadly it was just as black and white as the rest of the world.

I walked in, feeling a strange sort of warmth. It made me want to go to sleep, even though I haven't been asleep since I was alive.

"Lovi, are you okay? You look like you're about to pass out."

"Don't call me that!" I snapped, instantly regretting it when I saw his beautiful colors again. That was back then. I need to live well now. Maybe, just maybe, they'll let me back into a world of colors just like Antonio's.

He had a pout on his lips as he looked at me with his soft green eyes. "Why not?"

"F-Fine. Call me what you want." That came out a little more harsh than I had wanted it to, but Antonio either didn't notice it, or he paid no heed to my snappish behavior. "Okay!" he said cheerfully said and skipped off to what I would assume was his kitchen.

"Are you okay with having leftover tomato soup for dinner?" he asked.

Gasping, I hit myself on the head. Obviously I hadn't thought this through. The colors emanating off of him had distracted me.

I'd never even tried eating after I passed away. What would happen? Would it go right through me? "Y-Yeah, sure." I grabbed a fistful of my hair in frustration. I'm such an idiot.

While mentally berating myself, I noticed a pale bowl of dark liquid set in front of me. I felt the steam hit me, but I didn't smell anything. I looked at the stainless steel spoon set in the bowl in front of me. I can't even pick it up. I could feel Antonio's gaze on me as I looked up at him. He gestured for me to go on and I blushed. He must think I'm mentally retarded.

I glanced back at the spoon and concentrated on it. It's now or never. Antonio is going to find me out, and then he'll push me away.

Somehow, I feel as if I just told a lie. Antonio seems like the type of person to embrace someone's faults. But this thought still doesn't keep me from being scared.

I reached for it; eyes squinted in a sort of pain as I began to wrap my hand around it, wincing as my fingers brushed warm metal. I made a grab for it. Lo and behold, I was holding the spoon, feeling the smile grace my features.

He watched me as I dipped the spoon delicately into the soup. I swallowed thickly and brought it to my trembling lips. I concentrated on my mouth, hoping it would be solid. I shut my eyes tight and sipped it out of the dip of the spoon. It had no taste as I felt the warmth fall down my non-existent innards. And just like that, the warmth was gone. I blinked confusedly. Where did it go?

I tried not to show my shock as the man beside me finally decided to eat his own food.

Letting out a sigh of relief, I repeated the same steps. It was like the food just disappeared into thin air. He finished before me – no surprise there – and got up to wash out his dishes. "Would you like me to start the shower while you finish up? You might want to warm up a bit more from being in the rain that long." He asked, his ever present smile decorating tan skin.

"O-Okay." If I don't, he would definitely wonder why I don't get sick. He nodded and skipped up the stairs. I finished up my soup and set the spoon down. I put all my energy into my right hand and gripped the plate. This was of heavier weight than the spoon. I walked towards the sink with the plate in my hand.

This was getting pretty easy – _CRASH!_

"Crap crap crap crap crap!" The plate had fallen through my hands. I cursed and began to try and pick up the pieces, but my hand kept on going through them.

"Are you alright?" Antonio rushed down the stairs and towards me, almost gripping my hands before I pulled them away. "Yeah…" I got up and backed away from him. "You need to be careful, you could have cut yourself…" He looked at my hands with his own behind his back, being careful not to touch me.

My eyes widened. He's that kind of person. He's the kind of person who cares more about the other's safety than the safety of an object. I felt a smile willing itself onto my face, but I pushed it back down. "I'm fine." I said, looking to the side. He's right, I would have cut myself. That is if I could even touch it in the first place.

"The shower is ready; there are clothes and a towel on the counter. Let me pick up these shards so you don't cut up your feet."

I nodded and walked up the stairs wordlessly. My clothes aren't tangible, along with me. What would happen if I were to take them off? I glanced at my dark colored shirt and stopped in thought for a second before continuing to follow the sound of running water. I looked around quickly before ghosting through the door. I looked in the mirror, seeing my face for the first time in a long while. I touched the pale color of skin and the dark color of hair before peeling off my shirt. I set it down next to the clean, folded clothes. Glaring at it, I picked it back up, throwing it at the door, only for it to be stopped by the thick piece of wood.

So it's a normal shirt now? I took off the rest of my clothes and got into the shower, not bothering to pull back the curtain. I felt the water cascade off of my cold body. I sighed. Some things could touch me, others would go through. I never understood it.

After sitting in the shower for a few minutes, I decided that would be a good enough shower. I stared at the water dial. Great, I have to turn this on myself. I pressed my hand to the hard plastic and shut my eyes, pushing the dial to the right. The water shut off and I praised myself a little. I went through the shower curtain and tried to grasp the towel. It went through a few of my fingers, but my thumb and forefinger were gripped tightly to it.

It took a bit of work, but I finally got myself dried off and into clothes. The clothes could go through things with me as well. Apparently I had pondered on this for too long because I heard a knock on the door. "Come in." I checked around for any ghostly clues real quick before watching Antonio walk in. "I've prepared your room. You're welcome to go sleep if you'd like."

Keeping in my façade of being alive, I nodded. "Yeah, I'll take that offer, thanks." As I began to walk past him, Antonio stopped me by putting an arm in front of me. I looked into his eyes inquiringly. He stared for a while, his deep green eyes searching for something. During this exchange, I noticed that within the green, there were specks of gold. They were very faint, but they glowed fiercely as he looked at me.

He grinned, and I could feel his smile spread to my own face. "I just wanted to see…" he cut his sentence short, leaning into me. I almost leaned in as well, but in a jolt I shot back.

"I'm sorry, Lovi, I'm sorry. It's too early, I know. I'm sorry." Antonio apologized and clasped his hands together, allowing me to escape.

"N-no, it's not that. I-I'm just shy." I walked past, turning slightly. "Maybe later?" Immediately flushing, I hurried to the nearest door. "That's a closet, Lovi," he said, and I could hear the laughter in his voice. He knew I just embarrassed myself. He walked to a door on the right and opened it for me, smiling. "Here you go." As I scuttled past and turned to see him smiling at me, like usual, his eyes crinkling. "Maybe this will do for now." He stalked towards me and leaned in as close as I would allow him. He kissed his own hand and blew on it, winking at me. I felt my face heat up. I don't know how I can do that. Perhaps I am more like humans than I had originally thought? I looked at Antonio, seeing his god-like glow. I'm nothing like that. Though all humans don't have pure hearts like Antonio seems to have.

I smiled back at him, rare, small, and unnoticeable. He waved goodnight and closed the door. I frowned and sat down on the bed. What am I going to do while pretending to be asleep for so long? I've never been forced to do this. I've always wondered the town.

After a few hours of counting the stars outside the room's window, I decided to pop my head into Antonio's room. Just my head and shoulders appeared through the wall separating us. His room was rather small, at least smaller than the one that I was in.

He slept on a small twin sized bed with a small, ratty blanket. I pulled back into the guest room. The blanket on my bed was big and plush, a soft looking color. I had a small 10 second meditation session before becoming solid and piling the blanket into my arms and walking out the door and into Antonio's room. I tip toed as fast as I could over to him and spread the blanket around his slightly shivering body.

Right as I was about to let go, the blanket slipped through my fingers and I sighed in exasperation. Antonio began to turn in his sleep and I quickly ran through the wall and into the guest room.

As I sat on the bed, my thoughts were only on Antonio, the man in color.

* * *

><p>A few days have passed with me continuing my façade as a human and dancing around Antonio. I am ashamed to admit that I had become more than a little interested in him in these past two intimate days.<p>

I also learned that it was painful, almost suicidal to lie to Antonio. He's sweet and he just takes everything, with no doubt. It makes me sick. I'm sure if I was alive, I would have puked.

Today, I have decided that although I could possibly loose Antonio and the light he seems to bring to my black and white world, I will tell him my secret.

"Antonio?" I walked into the kitchen to see him cooking some sort of tomato dish – we had recently discovered out mutual love for tomatoes – wearing a red dress shirt, brown slacks, and a yellow apron. "¡_Buenos días_!" He smiled while setting down his spatula. "Did you need something, Lovi?"

I nodded – "_Buongiorno._" – and gestured to the living room. "I'd like to talk real quick, if it isn't too much trouble."

"It's not a problem at all." Antonio turned off the stove and followed me to the living room.

He sat on the chair which faced the loveseat, which was where I was sitting. "Is something wrong?" The look on his face was one of pure concern.

"Um…a little." I was started to regret this. Can I really do it? "Hold your hand up." I commanded, shuffling awkwardly. I did as I said and I slowly but surely lifted my own. Antonio's gaze was softly locked on our hands. It was an odd look, but nice somehow. With one of my hands scrunched in my lap, and the other paused before Antonio, I pushed forward, squeezing my eyes shut.

Peeking one eye open, I let out a breath of relief as I saw that Antonio's face was still the same. "I know, Lovino."

My eyes snap wide at that. "What? And you didn't say anything? You didn't kick me out? Why?"

Antonio flushes, a sight I haven't seen before, and scratches the back of his head. "I was curious about why you could become solid at some points and touch things and I didn't know how to ask."

"I…Well let me just start off by telling you the whole thing." I was honestly shocked. How long has he known. Since the bathroom a few days ago? That would explain the look he was giving me. "I died – I was murdered." I felt a frown embed itself onto my features. "Because of the way I lived, I was sent to limbo – here. Ghosts in limbo are colorblind, and they lose their senses of smell and taste. As you can guess, the world gets really dull. I don't know how long I've been here; I just know it's been a while. Whenever I concentrate hard enough, I can solidify myself and pick up things, but it doesn't seem to last long. My head sometimes hurts from having to concentrate that hard for long periods of time."

He nods in thought. "So why are you here – with me?"

I averted my eyes and my scowl grew a bit. "You're the only thing I can see in color. I don't know why, I can't explain it."

Antonio frowned. "So you don't know what color this is?" he held up a book that was next to him.

I shook my head. "I can tell it's a dark color." I paused to squint at it. "Brown?"

He looked sad. "It's red. I guess you were a little close." A small pout formed on his lips. "So you know my colors?"

"Yeah. You have brown hair, green eyes, and you're wearing brown, red, and yellow."

"Can you see your own color?"

I sighed and looked down at the fabric hanging on me. "No. I don't even know what this color is."

The ever-present frown on his face deepened. "It's navy blue." There was a silence before I spoke. "I can see clothes and accessories when they are on you, but when you hold an object I can't see the color."

"So I guess I was a little stupid to ask how the food tasted last night, huh?" Antonio scratched his cheek. He must feel embarrassed. "No, it's fine. I'm sure it would have tasted good if I was living."

Another pregnant silence broke out. Antonio looked into my eyes. "What color do my eyes look like?" I found myself asking him. I haven't seen my own color since even before my death. I wasn't the type to look into the mirror every day.

"Definitely hazel." He begins, leaning in in thought. "They're olive-y green, but around the pupil there is this really pretty reddish brown color that escalates into normal brown further out. It's _fascinante_."

His words made me get all embarrassed. I was expecting a color, not a full out description. "T-Thanks."

Antonio just smiled in response. "Lovi…"

"Yes?"

He looked painfully handsome at this moment. I think even if he was black and white, I'd be able to imagine the beautiful colors glowing, rolling, teasing my eyes with pure beauty.

"Can you solidify yourself real quick?"

I nodded and placed my hand out for him to touch. He grasps it lightly at first, before becoming firm. "You're cold," he whispers before pulling me forward and capturing my lips with his own.

He's soft and warm. I can feel the lack of hesitancy in his lips as he presses forward decisively. I feel a sad squeeze in my body as he pulls away. "I like you." His voice is deep and quiet.

"I like you, too." The words leave my lips before I can stop them.

Antonio gasped and smiled. "I've met you before! While you were alive!"

He's met me? I quickly scanned my blurry memory. I don't remember anyone like him at all…

"Yeah! It was after I had finished harvesting tomatoes in my garden for my family and I had tripped. One of my tomatoes rolled under your foot while you were walking, remember?" Antonio grinned like it was a wonderful memory.

He remembered it wrong. I was not as innocent as he played me out to be.

I had tripped him then. He looked so stupid and carefree. His clothes had holes, he wore no shoes. I tripped him so he wore the frown that should have been on his face. It was only there for a second, gone in an instant as a tomato had hit my foot. He smiled as he apologized and picked up the tomatoes on the ground. I wanted to make him frown. Why was he smiling when he was so obviously in poverty? I stepped on a few of his tomatoes. The frown was there again, accompanied by watering eyes. But just like before, it was gone in a flash. He smiled up at me in tears, apologizing.

Remembering this, I started to get that sick feeling like when I was lying to Antonio about being human. "Antonio, I'm so sorry." I had never said those words so honestly before. I'm apologizing now? "I'm so sorry…you must have had problems because of me. You probably didn't get to eat that night…"

Antonio's smile softens. "I will admit that I did have problems for a while. But look at me now! I dug my family out of the hole we were in and now we live nicely."

This wasn't enough for me. "I'm sorry. I'm _so_ sorry."

"I forgave you the moment I saw you crying on that bench a few days ago, even if I didn't quite remember then." Antonio holds his arms out a little and I graciously leaned in, only to go through his body. I pulled back quickly with apologizing eyes.

"I guess I can't concentrate right now…" I sigh, and I can tell my ghostly body is yearning for his touch because I can't stop leaning in.

"That's fine. You can take a rest while I finish cooking." His smile is soft, apologizing, warm.

* * *

><p>The next few days have been tiring. I solidify every chance I get when I'm around Antonio. We kiss, hold hands, and embrace until I fall through. We usually avoid each other a bit after that happens. The same old cycle, every day.<p>

Antonio, ever surprising, decides to break this cycle. He comes up to me one day, before I sit down with him and chat while he eats breakfast.

"Can we go to your grave? I would like to see it…" He begins shyly.

"W-What? Why would you want to see that?" I ask. I've only visited my grave once. I felt uneasy when I was there, so I never went ever again.

"I…I would like to pay my respects." To what? I don't deserve respect. I was a horrible human being. I don't voice my thoughts and instead give him the okay. "Alright."

Antonio grinned. "Let me go get my suit."

"Eh, why a suit? I'll be with you; you don't have to be all formal or anything." I mumbled.

"I'm with your soul, Lovi. I like your body and your soul." He says loudly from his room, rustling also emerging. I stay quiet at this until Antonio walks out in his suit. It's a black suit with a black tie adorned with little tomatoes. A gigglesnort comes from my lips as I hold in my laughter. He looks so silly, being all serious-faced with a dark suit. The bright red of the tomato just stands out completely.

He looks concerned. "Is something wrong?"

Keeping my smile to myself, I shake my head. "Nothing, just holding in a sneeze." I said calmly. I like the fact that he doesn't point out that ghosts can't sneeze and just walks out the door, holding it open for me.

We made it to the cemetery in one piece and I led Antonio to my grave.

His grin is gone as he looks at the stone nostalgically. The silence is thick.

"It kinda feels real now, you know. You look like a normal human to me so it was easy to think that you were alive." He smiles to himself before looking at me. "Wait here. I have to go get something." I nod and he runs off towards the main church building.

I turn to my headstone and touch it lightly with my fingers. It's one of those things that I can seem to touch without concentration. I brush my forefinger over the carved lettering. "Here lies Lovino Vargas – Will be missed." The curt message stings a bit. I sigh and sit down next to it, leaning on it and closing my eyes.

When I open them again, Antonio is kneeling before me with a large bouquet in his hands. I recognize the flowers as tulips. They had pale bottoms and dark tips, so I assumed they were two different colors.

"I didn't want to wake you." He says, answering my unasked question.

I chuckled humorlessly. "I can't sleep."

Antonio frowns and hands me the flowers. "They're for you. The bottom is yellow, and the tips are red." His mouth hangs open as if he wanted to say something else, but he quickly shakes his head.

I felt a small smile on my face and I set them down onto my grave. His smile is back and he reaches up to stroke my cheek. His hand goes through and his smile is bigger. I can tell it's fake. He's afraid of frowning. I solidify my hand and grab his, kissing it softly. His smile is real this time and he hugs me. I return the embrace as I hear small sobs and warms tears hit my back. "I-I w-wish I knew y-you while you were alive." He says quietly, voice shaking.

I frown slightly and rub his back. "I would have hurt you horribly then."

No reply is given as silence sets in, peppered with sniffles.

He pulls away with his usual smile as he grabs my hand and we walk away from the grave.

Days have passed as we continued our old cycle of awkwardness. "What should I wear today?" Antonio asks as we stand in front of his wardrobe. He's gotten into a bit habit of asking me what colors I'd like him to wear. "I think since I'm you're only source of color, you should be able to decide what colors you want to see!" he had exclaimed.

"Something with green or blue." I answered as he began shuffling through his closet. He quickly threw the clothes on himself and posed for me. "How's this?"

I smiled, pointing a t-shirt that looked to be a shade of blue. "Is this blue? This might look better." He grinned excitedly. "Yeah, it's blue!" he changed clothes, the green fabric fading to gray when it left his arms. I nodded in satisfaction as he straightened the new shirt. "Perfect." I grinned.

I suddenly got the urge to hug him as he did his usual smile – the one that made his olive eyes crinkle and the peaks of his mouth go up ridiculously high. I concentrated on my body like usual, and went to hug him before I heard him gasp. "L-Lovi. Your arm." He pointed shakily at it. I looked down. My arm looked like it usually did. Pale, covered in a dark hoodie.

"What?" I flexed my fingers. Nothing was out of the ordinary. He pointed to the full body-length mirror beside us.

_Oh._ That's what he was freaking out about. Down the sleeve of my hoodie, where my hand should be peaking out, it wasn't. I pushed up the sleeve and looked into the mirror. My entire arm was invisible.

Antonio's eyes were in tears. "What if you're disappearing? I mean, you don't technically belong in this world…"

"No..." I dismissed the thought. "I'm doomed to be like this forever. It'll show up after some rest." I smiled at him and tried to become solid again.

Being successful this time, I walked over to the nearby couch and sat down, patting my lap. "Let's take an early siesta." Antonio seemed to agree wholeheartedly as he lay down on the couch, his head set in my lap. I moved my good arm atop his head, running fingers through his soft, curly chocolate hair. I felt him sigh and nuzzle further in. I smiled at his cute actions and leaned back into the couch cushion.

A few minutes into the nap, I felt a sensation I haven't felt for a while. My vision became littered with black edges. I fought to keep my eyes open as sleep curdled around me.

* * *

><p>White. All I can see is white. There are no shades. Just white. I wince at the brightness of it. The clothes I'm wearing are white as well. Everything is white.<p>

Neither Antonio nor his colors are here. I looked into the white expanse of land, searching for him. I begin walking into the nothingness. If Antonio's not here, then I at least need to get out of here.

A flash of long, curled brown hair caught my eye. I whipped around. There was a woman. She's tall and covered in long white dress-like robes. Her eyes were a vivid green and her skin was pale, having the glow of something holy. Her hair and robes blew in an invisible wind, one not moving my hair in the slightest.

Her smile put me into an unwanted easiness. She opened her mouth and I got the feeling of church bells dancing softly around me. Her accent was one of Hungary, my mind supplied. How would I know what a Hungarian accent sounds like? I've never heard one before…

"Lovino Vargas. You have atoned for your moral crimes as a human by loving another. You have apologized to one hurt by you with earnest. I shall grant you the right to a peaceful afterlife."

My eyes widen and I try and open my mouth, but no words come out. _What? _

She shook her head and I no longer felt the will to speak. "You need not say anything. I know what you will say before it even appears as a thought in your mind." She smiled again. "I will give you one hour to say goodbye to your love." She paused. "No, not goodbye. More so….see you again."

_What do you mean? My love? Antonio? Why am I saying goodbye? What do you mean by 'see you again'?_

"Your love is a good one. He is pure. When his time comes, he will be joining you."

This time, I'm allowed to speak – "Thank you." – As white turns to black, and then to a mixture of both. I opened my eyes to see the slight darkness of the apartment. I can hear rain pound down onto the windows.

Antonio is on my lap, still fully in color. Tears streak down my numb face. I don't want to have to say any type of farewell to him.

"Lovi, you're crying…what's wrong?" Antonio is looking up at me from my lap curiously.

"I just have something in my eyes, sorry." My voice cracked on the last syllable and I covered my face. He sits up and asks more firmly. "What's wrong?"

I smiled at him sorrowfully. I can't lie to him. "I fell asleep." I began, tears still choking me.

He looks confused. "I thought you said you couldn't sleep."

I nodded and wiped away a few tears. "Yes, but this time is different. I met with the Goddess of Afterlife, Elizabeta." I paused, swallowing thickly. "She told me that I have atoned for my way of life. She's given me an hour to tie up our loose ends before I go to my peaceful afterlife."

"Can't you stay?" he demands.

I shake my head. This is something I need to do. I've wanted this from the very beginning. And I still do…right?

Antonio is frozen. "So…this is goodbye?" After I give a curt nod, his face clearly portrays one of a shattering heart. "Will I ever see you again?" He sounds desperate.

I nod. "When you pass away, we will reunite again."

Antonio is quiet. He stands up on his wobbly legs and walks into the kitchen. I follow him with my eyes as he walks back with something in his hand, pressing it into mine. He grips onto my wrists, tight and sure. His face is broken, yet strangely calm. Tears coated his dark skinned cheeks, his bottom lip shaking intensely. He seems to struggle with words, but it's like he can't even get them out.

"I love you, Lovi." He says, but I'm too worried about his actions to respond. Randomly, without letting go of my wrists, he says, "Red tulips mean a declaration of love. Yellow tulips mean hopelessly in love."

I remembered the tulips from when we visited the gravesite. "W-Why bring that up now?"

He let go of my wrists tentatively. "I'm hopelessly in love with you. I'm hopeless. I love you so much." I immediately know what the object in my hands is. "Take me with you."

I want to scream and throw the knife away from us. My body is still and unyielding, save for the trembling. After agonizing, frozen seconds, I let out the cry. "No!" His face matches mine, tears running down constantly. Antonio drops to his knees and he clasps his hands together. "Please. Please, I can't live without you." His pleas are unbearable, desperate.

His begging gets louder and I can't take it. I throw the knife across the room, away from both of us. Antonio is still crying as I see him get up and walk towards where I had thrown the knife. I'm still frozen. I try and move to stop him, knowing that he _can't_ get to that knife.

Antonio picks up the knife and turns to me. He smiles, tears running down into his mouth. "I love you."

He positions the knife in front of his chest. "No, Antonio! You're being stupid! I love you, too! So much! _Put the fucking knife down!_ Stop, stop!" I finally feel the rush in my legs and he stabs himself with knife multiple times. I stop, screaming and covering my eyes from the horrid sight. I hear his crippling body hit the ground and rush towards him, attempting to stop the bleeding.

I try and pull the knife from his chest and stop the bleeding, but my hands continued through time and time again. I couldn't concentrate. I need to save Antonio. I need him to live. Live, Antonio, live. It's a mantra in my mind, never ending. His blood spills beneath him, creating a puddle that reaches on my knees. My hands were covered in his blood. The blood could get on me, but I couldn't even save him. I let out another scream and cry next to his quickly cooling and bleeding body. I huddle up in the corner and wait to wake up from this nightmare.

* * *

><p>I'm back in the expanse of white. I've never wanted to be there any less than this. My hands are no longer covered in blood, and I'm wearing nothing but white again. I buried my face into my hands and ignored the feeling of wind and bells as I hear Elizabeta speak.<p>

I _don't want to be peaceful anymore! I just want Antonio!_

"You no longer want to be in the land that you sought for? You would rather live in anguish with your love then to live in eternal happiness?"

_Nothing can be eternal happiness without him._

"Very well. I will allow you to stay."

_What will happen to Antonio since he left before his time?_

I hear her chuckle and the sound calms me. "You will see for yourself."

The black is in my vision again. "This is the last time we will meet, Lovino Vargas."

* * *

><p>I'm in the rain this time. There is a large growth of trees around me that are moving in the wind. I stood up from where I sat and began walking aimlessly. It didn't matter.<p>

Antonio. _Antonio._ My beloved Antonio.

Before I know it, I reached the park where I had really met Antonio for the first time. The small crowds of people around me are blurred, gray, sullen. I looked around. My color. It's gone. It's been stolen from me.

I look back down, but a flash of color makes me double take. Antonio.

Antonio is sitting on the bench. The same bench, looking at pedestrian traffic. I have no time to think anymore as my legs take me in front of him. I stop and my body feels like it's about to melt. I can feel my eyes sparkling as I look at him. He looks up and grins his special smile.

My bottom lip trembles and my hand hits his face. I can feel the surge of happiness as my hand makes contact with his cold skin. Antonio pulls me into his chest and I immediately lean onto his shoulder. No words are spoken as we embraced and I began to see color on my own skin.

* * *

><p><strong><em>So yeah, there's that. R&amp;R, love you guys~ Sorry for the poor ending. This was really hard to write and I kinda wanted to get it over with so I could listen to happy music.<em>**


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